Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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