thus making me awesome and them whores
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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