i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize