FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
