i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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