I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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