he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
