I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
