don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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