Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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