i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
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I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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