I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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