I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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