WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
