We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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