but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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