I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
