he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
