Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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