discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
