shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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