I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
