i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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