it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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