During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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