Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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