How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
