I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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