Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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