I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
