he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
