3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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