you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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