oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
love makes seman taste better
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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