well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
