idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to make out with him forever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
