I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
