You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
