JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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