I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
