i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
