The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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