i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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