Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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