sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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