I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
