I wish i was in the wii world.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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