Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
