so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
