that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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