woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
