maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
