Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
