I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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