new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
