I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
