Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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