nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
