Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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