o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
