ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
